Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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