You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
