did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I believe in your delicious
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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