Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
