so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
