Swine flu is the new snow day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
