my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
