guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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