if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize