you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
whose parrot is this?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
