he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
