You're my little dorito
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize