youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
