the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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