what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
why is half of my head shaved?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
