i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
