dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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