why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
