Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
