The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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