Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize