cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
