I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
