Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
