We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
