everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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