I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
