dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you win again, gameday.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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