I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
