I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
