do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
