im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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