I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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