guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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