You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
