Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize