OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
