Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
