ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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