get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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