Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
