the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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