I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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