Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
