I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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