did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
