the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
