1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
