Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
