I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
