I just made out with a guy for $7.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
