apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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