i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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