it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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