I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
