He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
