In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
