tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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