i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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