Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
