Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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