i barfeds in our rink
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
