when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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