my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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