just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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