Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
