just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
