if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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