I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
