How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
