Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
