people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize