Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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