my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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