I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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