good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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