Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
