i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
