he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize