Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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