I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
