Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
