Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize