we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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