all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize