Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
