after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're breaking my sexual little heart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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