explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
