look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
