it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
