I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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