apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
