Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
