i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize