Sry I called you an 8
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
