I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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