i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize